When I first started this blog, I promised myself that I would be 100% honest throughout my recovery and my journey of finding my own authentic life. I would include everything; the good, the bad and the embarrassing.
You may not be aware that I am a compulsive stress-head and have suffered from anxiety my whole life.
Panic attacks are nothing new to me. Sometimes there doesn’t have to be a reason for me to be filled with anxiety and fear. Often when I have full blown panic attacks, my mind and past events are usually the cause.
My panic attacks often result in my hyperventilating on the floor with all of my muscles cramping up. This is unbelievably painful and the pain from the attack can linger for days. This also makes a constant reminder of why I panicked in the first place.
So that girl on the floor, looking like a fish out of water, that probably was me.
I am proud to tell you that I have now gone two and a half months without a full blown panic attack (high five to that!)
Some days are worse than others but this is my journey of finding my serenity and learning from the challenges that come my way.
Finding my serenity when my anxiety is going through the roof is one of the hardest things I have had to work on.
When I saw a therapist for advice, some of the exercises that were given to me sounded great in theory, but when I was the middle of an attack, they didn’t often help. The exercises that were given to me were better for an everyday practice.
Halfway through last year, I was at the gym when a panic attack started to occur. I tried everything I could to stop it before it resulted in me being on the floor.
So there I was starting to hyperventilate whilst talking to myself out loud saying “I am calm, I am safe”. While I was trying to convince myself that I was calm and safe, the person next to me was wishing they had chosen another machine on the other side of the room.
I can’t exactly tell you how I ended up on the gym’s shower floor hugging my knees with cold water pouring down onto me, but it happened. When I finally realised I was freezing, was when I realised where I was and that I wasn’t in pain. My anxiety didn’t escalate into an attack.
Though I have never told anyone this story before (feel honoured peeps!) it’s something that often comes to mind when I’m having a stressful day.
I may have ended up on the shower floor and had to go home looking like a drowned rat, but the moral to the story is that, the impossible became possible. I won against my attack (I was able to stop it) and this gave me hope that I can once and for all overcome my life-long challenge.
I was willing to fight my battles and that day I chose the outcome.
I have worked on my serenity every single day since the episode at the gym. I have worked hard to not only stop anxiety in its tracks, but to also prevent it and allow myself to be free. Everyone deserves to be free, and that includes me.
Since working on my serenity, my anxiety doesn’t come out of the blue anymore. I can’t tell you how much of a difference this has made in my life.
Sundays are the one day per week on which I try not to have any plan. The day is filled with inspiration and motivation for the coming week. It is something that I have had to prioritise over other social events because a day of getting back to reality and focusing on my wellbeing is extremely beneficial.
Because I have been doing this for a long time now and feel it is something I will always do, I want to be able to share my Sundays with you.
Each Sunday I will write a post under the title of: Finding Serenity in My Sundays.
It will be filled with inspiration, motivation and tips to help you find serenity for the week ahead.
I’d love to know your thoughts on this in the comments below.