It’s been a couple of months now since I have moved out of the city and into a small town close to many beautiful beaches and land to start my journey of health and happiness.
Since then my anxiety has reduced dramatically, I’ve become more in tune with myself and my body has become stronger and healthier.
The goal is to find my serenity and live my best authentic life.
The first step was to look after my health, as I have caused quite a lot of damage through my eating disorder.
Although my journey is to find peace within all areas of my life, I decided to start with just the main priority instead of doing everything at once and getting overwhelmed.
Coming to accept the fact that I need to put on weight, and keep it on without stressing and relapsing is one of the hardest things I have had to do.
The other day I was having a “moment” and let myself have a big cry. I started to ask myself questions to get to the bottom of why I am so stressed about putting on weight.
I’m obsessed with health yet I have an illness that causes me to fixate on something so unhealthy and dangerous; it doesn’t make sense.
I realised that I love curves on women. Its makes them women and not girls anymore, but eating disorders are like a drug; they take control of your thoughts.
Just like a drug, I have had to come off this unhealthy lifestyle and the symptoms from the withdrawal are what I’d imagine to be quite similar to those coming off a certain drug.
The urge to return to the habit heightens to a point where your body starts to ache and you feel like you can’t possibly go on without it, but the urge eventually passes and you have won the battle.
The urges continue to come back but the longer you abstain from the habit the easier the urges pass.
Just like any addict the temptation of returning to the “drug” may always be there but with dedication to fight for your freedom, you can say goodbye to the past because the future is clean.
Within the two months of starting my wellness journey I have abstained from the urges to befriend my eating disorder and have managed to put on weight which has increased my health.
As the weight is going on, Negative Nelly is having a bloody field day in my head but I don’t plan on giving in.
Although I have been winning my battles, the anxiety and stress is causing me to feel anxious and unmotivated, which is why I feel that it’s time to incorporate the next part of my wellness journey.
I am excited to tell you about this next step and the details will be up this time next week!
Finding Serenity in My Sundays post will be on my best source of inspiration. Till then be kind to yourself.